By Evangeline Pattison, VP of Client Services & Senior Consultant
After four years of volunteering with a nonprofit organization I deeply believed in, I had the privilege of stepping into the role of director of development and operations. Having already cultivated relationships with donors and corporate partners during my volunteer work, I entered this position with a solid network in place. One relationship that particularly stood out was with a couple who had faithfully supported the organization for many years. Their generosity extended beyond financial contributions; they actively participated in our work, witnessing firsthand the impact we were making in the community.
A few months into my new role, I met with this couple to share our vision for the upcoming year. I carefully walked them through our goals, highlighting our opportunities to deepen our impact and expand our programs. Confident in our relationship and the strength of the ask, I requested their continued support. To my surprise and dismay, their answer was no. It was the last response I had expected. Given their long support history, I had assumed this would be an easy yes. The rejection hit hard, and I was crushed.
In the world of nonprofit development, we often emphasize the value of persistence and the importance of nurturing lasting relationships with donors. One principle that has resonated with me throughout my career, and one of our six principles of fundraising, is the idea that “A No is Never Forever.” This phrase reminds us that a donor’s refusal is rarely a permanent decision. Instead, it often reflects a specific moment in time—perhaps due to personal circumstances, financial pressures, or other priorities. It’s a reminder to stay engaged, even when the immediate outcome is not what we hoped for.
In the case of this couple, I knew there must be a deeper context behind their no. I also knew that I had to respect their decision while continuing to nurture our relationship. The key was to remain attentive and listen carefully to any cues that explained why the timing might not be right. Life circumstances like new college tuition bills, weddings, business acquisitions, or economic fluctuations can all impact a donor’s ability to give at any given time. And yet, these circumstances don’t necessarily reflect a lack of commitment to an organization’s cause.
So, instead of becoming discouraged, I chose to maintain my connection with them, knowing they were long-time supporters who had been with us through many years of significant growth and transformation. They believed in our mission, and even though they weren’t able to give at that moment, I trusted that their hearts remained aligned with our work.
Three months later, I received a delightful surprise: a check from the couple for more than they had given the previous year. Alongside the check was a note explaining that they had been in the process of acquiring a new business and wanted to ensure everything went smoothly before committing to any charitable contributions. Their hesitation had nothing to do with a lack of belief in our mission or a shift in their values; it was simply a matter of timing.
Had I not continued to care for this couple and engaged them in our ongoing work, this outcome might have been drastically different. The relationship could have been lost, and with it, the opportunity for the organization to amplify its impact, as well as the chance for the donors to experience the joy of giving. It was a valuable lesson in the power of persistence and the importance of viewing a no as part of an ongoing conversation, not the final word.
In development work, it’s easy to become disheartened when we face rejection. However, it’s critical to remember that donors are real people with lives that extend beyond their philanthropic commitments. Just because someone says no today doesn’t mean that they won’t say yes tomorrow—or that they don’t care about the work you’re doing. By continuing to invest in relationships and maintaining a long-term perspective, we open the door for future opportunities, and sometimes, those opportunities turn out to be even greater than we initially imagined.
The story of this couple serves as a powerful reminder that no is not the end of the road; rather, it’s a chance to regroup, listen, and continue building trust. As nonprofit leaders and fundraisers, our responsibility is to walk alongside our donors, offering them the opportunity to have a kingdom impact when the timing is right for them. In doing so, we not only secure funding for our causes but also forge partnerships that can last a lifetime.
As you continue your journey in donor relations, remember that patience and persistence are essential. A no is never forever—it’s just part of the process. Keep nurturing those relationships, and the results will follow.
We’ve been privileged to help many organizations be more effective in their fundraising through learning and implementing the principles of relational fundraising in their major donor work. Want to talk?